Vote of thanks by Chief Onyeihenagarankeoma [2]

With Rev Canon Chinemerem Uche

By the way if I send me son to study law and he cannot manipulate agents of the law and also arm twixt the constitution to favour the people’s person like me, then all the money I spent on him would have been a colossal and monumental waste! We cannot alter certain natural laws.  My case was not a precedence as some deranged fifth columnists claimed, was it not George Orwell who said that all animals are equal but some are more equal than others?  There can never be equality in a sane world, but inequality to steer the justice system is only but natural so that the society would not be a homogenous riot of rotten fools.
I want to thank the astute journalists for coming to my defense.  They were there for me when the poke nosing British press started flying their useless rumour that I have a case to answer.  One thing wrong with the West, as you know, is that they have an insane culture.  They have stolen enough during the colonial days.  Were they not the ones that looted our ancient kingdoms, carrying away invaluable local craft and gold? Gentlemen of the press, thank you for inundating the society with the truth -that I was a victim of political witch-hunt and brazen bitter persecution!  These as you wrote, boils down to petty jealousy and an orchestrated ploy to whittle down my political influence and by thus destroy my race to the presidency come 2019.
Ladies and gentlemen, Lords temporal and spiritual, it is our turn to chop!  Are you surprised that I used the word chop?  Yes it is our turn!  What else are we doing in Nigeria?  Is it not sharing and chopping.  You know I like being sincere than hypocritical.  What the press labels as corruption is actually a misrepresentation of what we politicians do.  We are only rendering massive communal service to our fatherland.  We are the Robin Hood of the sub Saharan Africa.  We are the sharers of national cake.  We take money from the area of higher concentration to the area of lower concentration.  When we spread wealth, they call it corruption, but what we are doing is rather called financial osmosis and fiscal diffusion.  We are only offering ourselves in love, as conduit pipes to channel resources to the people.  Our true intentions have been to enable all citizens to enjoy and legitimately squander wealth.  By coming to my thanksgiving, eating and drinking, you all have all joined me in collectively squandering our own share of the national cake.  If this is what the call embezzlement let it be!
Let me use this medium to reply the Archbishop who was reported to have lambasted me for institutionalizing corruption.  I learned that in his sermon, he said that the song I introduced into politics was the height of odious corruption.  Honestly speaking, I heard that song for the first time in the church.  On that faithful day, the priest mounted the pulpit and chided politicians for not allowing power and wealth to be rotated among the zones.  He ended up his sermon with “Nmanu akarak d’uto, onye ratu ibe ya aratu!”  He turned it into a worship song and it subsequently pierced my heart.  In fact that was the day I shed tears for the first time and subsequently gave my life to Christ. Now sing with me: “nmanu akara d’uto, onye ratu, ibe ya aratu…”  The Archbishop should better respect himself.  He should leave politics for the politician.  After all if not that we mobilized the laity and indigenous clergy to lock the cathedral, another man from Warri would have been the Archbishop.  If not that we applied the principle of rotating the akara oil, would he have been made a Bishop?

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