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Five big problems I have with Nigerian ‘Pastors’

By Abiodun Ladepo

A woman called her cousin in a neighboring country. Her cousin was single and living alone. She was my friend.
“I am flying down to spend the weekend with you. Can you pick me up at the airport?”
“Of course, I can. Just send the itinerary.”
She picked up her cousin at the airport. There was a man with her. They appeared to be very friendly…joked and laughed heartily together. When they got home, the host went into the kitchen to start preparing food. On two or three occasions when she walked back into the living room, she found her cousin, who is a much older woman, and the man in somewhat compromising positions. She knew her cousin was married with children…grown children. In fact, she had visited them in their own country of residence the previous summer. She knew this was not her husband. In fact, she had spoken to the husband the day her cousin called to say she was coming. When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she called her cousin into her own bedroom.
“Auntie, what’s going on here? Who is he?”
“He’s my Pastor…er…our Pastor?”
“The Pastor of your church?”
“Yes.”
“So, what is he to you?”
“We are dating?”
“Please be serious.”
“We are dating! You asked!”
“What! What about Uncle?”
“Ah! You know, ever since your Uncle had that stroke, he had not been able to perform very well anymore. For close to two years now, I have just been managing.”
“Ehn! Auntie! So, the next best thing for you to do is to start dating your church Pastor? Isn’t he the Pastor of the same church that Uncle attends?”
“Yes.”
“And Uncle is still paying tithes to that church?”
“Yes. But my friend has been very good to him. He comes to the house and conducts special prayer sessions for him. And his condition seems to be improving.”
“Ha! Auntie! E o lorun o! (You have no salvation) This is not fair. Why not divorce him then?”
“You are talking about salvation; don’t I first have to live and die before worrying about salvation? Who is going to marry me if I divorce him now? At my age and especially with the kids…they will be devastated. Besides, his job’s medical benefits have kicked in such that if I decide that I don’t want to work for the rest of my life, we are going to be okay.”
“Auntie! Auntie!! This is not fair! The man was good to you and the family.”
“Listen! Don’t judge me o. Pray that whenever you find a man, he does not lose the ability to please you in bed.”
“Okay Auntie. I am not going to judge you. But you have to do me a favor: he cannot spend the night here. In fact, he cannot enter the bedroom with you. I will gladly take him or both of you to any hotel you want. But he cannot stay here. I will not be able to look Uncle in the eye next time I see him. And if this so-called Pastor spends the night here, I will definitely confess to Uncle if he finds out and asks me.”
(2). My church hired a Pastor who had just arrived from Nigeria. He had overstayed his visa and had no work permit. He was in country in search of greener pastures. The church let him use the apartment right above the church on the second floor. A few weeks after he arrived, I noticed…in fact, most church members noticed a lady (non-church-member and non-Nigerian) coming and going upstairs. Soon, the lady just pretty much lived there. But she never attended service. So, I asked an elderly member of the church if he knew anything about the lady. He didn’t. That same day, after service, I pulled the Pastor aside.

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